What I meant to say....

Two weeks ago, I had the chance and privilege to say a few words at Delia's Funeral.

Even as I type that, it just makes no sense.

Funerals are at the end of a life.

A life is a long time.

You go to honor and remember the life you have lived with that person.

I was not done with Delia.

None of us were.

I wanted more with her.

We all did.

So therein, lies the impossibility of it all.

I knew in my head what I wanted to say.

But after hearing the crack in my brother's voice and seeing the tears in my sister-in-law's eyes and looking over to see our little Shel-belle and James sitting there with the weight of the world on their shoulders, I could not get remember half of what I had wanted to say. 

But, having gone back to my notes and composed my thoughts...here is what I meant to say....

Delia Jean

I have the privilege of telling you a little about the lady that shared a middle name with Delia Jean. 

Helen Jean was my mom. 

She was Shel's Grandma. She was Delia Jean's Great Grandma. 

A couple years after our mom, Helen Jean passed away, we started having Sunday dinners.

When she was alive we would talk to her and she would keep us updated on each other.

After she was gone, we a realized that if we were going to stay close, it was up to us.

This is when we started having Sunday Dinners. 

I cannot tell you the amount of times that I have been at one of our dinners and thought: "mom would have loved this."

She would love to see us together.

She would have loved to see our family grow and to see all of these new great grand kids.

Go back to last spring, when we all learned the word "anencephaly" and heard the unthinkable,

that James and Shel were going to have to endure the hardest thing in their lives and be what seemed like a million miles from home.

I imagined them having to go thru all they have gone thru this week...alone with no family there in Korea.

Then it dawned on me...that if they must go thru it alone, that at least at Delia's home going...Grandma Helen Jean would be the first in the family to meet Delia Jean!

Although the news was still heartbreaking, I had some peace knowing that Delia would go from this world holding the hand of her family to the next, holding the hand of her family.

Now,

I know I'm in a church and I am supposed to believe there is nothing better than being with Jesus.

But, honestly?

The thought Delia Jean being held by Grandma Helen Jean, almost brought me more comfort than knowing that she would be with Jesus.

This may be a shock, but I don't think God is surprised.

Because God uses parents as Image Bearers.

Moms and Dads bear God's image to us.

He uses our parents to show us how much he loves us.

He used Helen Jean in our lives to show us what He is like.

This is one reason Shel and James chose Jean as Delia's middle name. 

Helen Jean bore the image of God to us...thru her love, strength and faith...

and because of this we were able to imagine a Greater Love and a Greater Strength and to HAVE faith in a Great God.

And I see Helen Jean's legacy continuing.

If you want to see the love of God,

look at these two parents:

Parents who love so much, they chose to go thru so much pain and face the inevitable, in order to give Delia Jean the best life possible.

When I told people the news that James and Shel found out back in May....almost everyone of them assumed that they would not go thru with the pregnancy.

I said no, they want this child to have a chance and as much love as possible, no matter how long her life. 

They were willing to sacrifice and embrace a world of pain and hurt in order to give a little girl and faith a fighting chance.

Shel and James are a mother and father who are mirroring the Image of God to a child they knew would never be able to return even one hug.

But as we've seen in the rainbows and shooting stars, she seems to be responding and returning her love in heavenly artwork.

The morning after Delia came and left us, I laid down to sleep for a few hours before going to work.

The alarm went off and the first thing I heard was the line:

"Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance..."

James and Shel, thank you for giving. 

Thank you for giving faith a fighting chance

Thank you for giving Delia a fighting chance.

Thank you for bearing God's image to your children and in so doing showing them and us what God is like.

Delia spent all of her life embraced by love.

She spent most of her life nestled in her mother's womb.

She spent ALL of her time on outside the womb cradled in the arms of a family that loved her and couldn't wait to hold her.

And she flew from this world safely into the arms of Jesus and to the arms of those who have gone before and wait for us.

She did not spend one moment untouched.

And that is a wonderful way to spend a life time.