A few days ago,
I put a record on.
It was one of Helen Jean's records.
My Mom's record.
Perry Como on vinyl.
Helen Jean's record of Perry Como singing,
"In the Garden."
I thought about the recording of Grandpa Bryant singing,
"In the Garden" that Mom and I found in Aunt Carol's record collection.
I thought,
what a gift that must have been for my mom to hear him singing.
I thought about the look on Aunt Mary's face when we played her the recording of it, the last time we went out to Maryland.
I thought of how it must have felt for them to hear his voice after he being gone for 40 some years.
I thought,
I'm just here listening to Helen Jean's records and how it would be nice to let others in the family hear Mom's Perry Como version of "In the Garden."
So, I lifted the needle, backed it up, dropped it and recorded the very end of the song....
"And the joy we share
as we tarry there,
none other has ever known."
The ending of the song was very slow and touching...
I pressed stop and smiled and sighed.
I saved it to post to Instagram.
Perry went right on into the next song...
And unfamiliar tune,
but I knew right away,
I should have kept the camera rolling ----
but, by the second or third line, I was weeping Beautiful/sad tears so hard I would never have been able to hold the camera steady because my whole body was shaking...
'cause it was so very obvious that I wasn't,
"just listening to Helen Jean's records,"
but that the heaven's had opened up and Mom and Dad seemed to have stepped right into the room.
The line that cracked open the door was the one about a Bluebird in the trees...
Because,
at one point in time, in my young life,
Mom had given me a deep blue glass Bluebird and told me:
"That is the Bluebird of Happiness."
I remember thinking, okay? Thanks?
I put it on my shelf in my bedroom, next to my rock and bottle collection.
Over the years,
I've thought about it now and then...
whenever I hear of or see a Bluebird mentioned.
But I never really figured out why she thought a pre-teen girl,
interested mostly in Little League and Starsky and Hutch,
would want a glass bird.
And why, she was so intentional about giving it to me and telling me its meaning.
And then I thought of how I had just had a really good and happy morning "on the couch" with my journal and my daily reading,
and how I am finally, FINALLY, beginning to grasp what it means to live in the moment, every moment, this VERY moment and to just sit with what is...
And the happy gratefulness and peace that comes from the practice of simply being awake, aware and present.
And I thought, THIS.
This must be all she and he ever wanted for any of us, all of us.
Happiness.
And at that moment,
all my wondering of what they would think of me now and my story...
my whole story...
just melted away;
because I knew in an instant that all parents ever really want for their children,
is for them to be happy.
And, Mom,
my mom....
she had looked forward and wished that for me so long ago,
when she gave a tweenager
(who still had sooooooo much growing up to do)
a Bluebird of Happiness.
Oh, Mom and Dad ---
I am reading my journals from the early 90s from when I was living at home and I think, how I would love to just have ONE of those days back.
I don't care what we would do,
I don't care if we just sat and watched TV all night long...
I would just love to be sitting in the same room with you.
To have lived more,
grown up more...
To know you now.
To talk about that Bluebird.
Thank you for giving me the Bluebird, Mom.
Thank you for all your hard work to make us happy, Dad.
And thank you for rushing in the other day,
bridging the distance,
and letting me know you see me,
see us.
That you are still here with me and with us
and that you love me and love us.
I love you too ----
and I miss you so much.
How grateful are we,
that we have been given the blessing of you --
and your legacy of love and happiness.
We all Love you.
May the Lord Bless You and Keep You
May the good Lord bless and keep you,
Whether near or far away.
May you find that long awaited,
Golden day today...
May your troubles all be small ones,
And your fortune ten times ten,
May the good Lord bless and keep you,
Til we meet again....
May you walk with the sunlight shining,
An' a Bluebird in every tree
May there be a silver lining,
back of every cloud you see...
Fill your dreams of sweet tomorrows
Never mind what might have been.
May the good Lord bless an' keep you,
Till we meet again...
May the good Lord bless an' keep you,
Til we meet again.
(words and music: Meredith Wilson)
Directions to here:
I am embarrassed to say that the Bluebird has been buried on a shelf for the last several years.
(the symbolism of that, is a whole other blogpost in itself)
;)
I'm happy to say that I found the Bluebird and have moved it into the living room, to the window, next to the couch, where I can see it when I journal and read.
